Under Promise and Over Deliver

I realize that it's been quite a while since I've posted anything on my blog. So long, in fact, that I forgot the login and had to go through the PITA (pain in the ass) process of trying to figure it out with the very simple Google instructions. By "simple" I mean "stupid".

I was reading some of my past postings and I realized something. Something very important and could change the way I look at life going forward. Something so big, that I had to stop drinking my coffee, take a deep breath, sit back and think, "Wow, I really suck."

I realized that I'm all talk. Seriously. There hasn't been one thing that I've actually followed through with on these blogs. I was going to buy a bike to ride. Didn't happen. I was going to interview a doctor. Yup--didn't happen. I was going to interview a gay couple. Didn't happen. But, in my defense, every time I'm with those guys we usually just end up drinking and I forget. Also, in my defense, I literally despise bike riding so me buying a bike may have been more of pipe dream than anything else. I can't think of any other activity that wants me to let my car drift into them on the road.

I joined the gym to get in shape and lose weight. I've been 4 times in 4 months. That's $50 a visit or, roughly $1.50 a minute that I'm there. I actually lost my gym card AT THE GYM and just said "forget it" and left the gym even though I knew the card was under the treadmill I was jogging 20 miles on. Sorry. I meant 2 miles. And I wasn't jogging. I was walking. Don't judge me.

A couple months ago, I put together a monthly budget to track where I was spending my money and try to actually, you know, save some of it. Many of you know that I spend money like it's going out of style. Not lots of money on big things, but lots of money on small things. And by small things, I mean alcohol and bar bills. I was all set with my new budget (which was just a rough guesstimate entered into an Excel spreadsheet) (don't get me started on the new Excel format either...I hate it. Bring back the older ones) and told myself, "Okay, self, you are only going to spend $150 a week on alcohol/bar bills" and thought I could easily stick to that. I mean, only alcoholics can't do that. Of course, I gave up on the budget after about 3 days and forgot about it entirely. Just this morning, I looked at my online banking statement and July's entries were 7 pages of charges!!!! I tried adding up the amount of money I spent on going out/drinking and I had to give up.....my calculator wouldn't go that high. I was, for 7 seconds, disappointed in myself.

Where was I going with this....oh ya.....my ability to not follow through with anything. I'm sitting here thinking what I can do about this. Here is what I've come up with: NOTHING. I think that instead of posting false promises, I'm going to just be honest and let people down. Am I going to workout? No. Will I buy a bike to fit in with 97% of the Minnesota population? Never. Will I take the time to interview a doctor about Obama's medical program? No, I won't because I know he hates reform. I may still interview my gay friends, though, but only because they are a riot and it would be fun. I don't even remember what I was going to interview them about.

I believe the saying is "under promise and over deliver". If I always disappoint people, I'll look like a hero if/when I actually come through with something. It's the mantra that the Cubs live by. And Bears. And Bulls. And Illini. The White Sox are trash and don't count.

So, here I am....the new and drastically under-improved Travis. Be prepared to be disappointed. Again, don't judge me. You know what...go ahead and judge me all you want. I could care less.

Okay, on to things that have bugged the shit out of me recently.

There is only one and it's this saga with Brett Favre. I think I would like Brett the guy. He comes across as someone that would be fun to hang out with and get drunk on a Tuesday afternoon. And, we all know he has a nice little pain killer addiction so he would be fun to swap drugs with. Just kidding!!!! We all know I don't swap drugs with anyone. Especially people from Mississippi.

I know, I know....this is like the 10th time he's retired and came back, but I just don't get the point of all the hoopla (hoopla is a stupid word) this time with him coming back. The news stations in Minneapolis actually had helicopters hovering over the medical clinic he went too take his physical to return to the Vikqueens. They did nothing but hover and showed nothing but the building. I think it would have been funny if someone played a joke and wheeled Favre out on a gurney and put him in an ambulance. The state would have come to a stop. Seriously. And I have a friend that I could have said, "I TOLD YOU SO", which would have given me some satisfaction.

Thank God he's going to have every defensive lineman in the league diving at his ankle and trying to take him out. This way, I'll only have to see him for like 2 games in the regular season before the Vikings have to start Tavaris Jackson. And then the Bears can dominate the NFC.

Hey, a guy can dream.

Finally, is there anything better than sitting on the couch on a Saturday morning, not being hungover, having a nice cup of coffee, relaxing and reading the news? No, there isn't. Don't even try to come up with something better because you will be wrong and look dumb. Or dumber, depending on who is doing the thinking. Wait....I've come up with something else that would be better. Sitting on the couch, having a cup of coffee, relaxing AND HAVING COLLEGE GAMEDAY ON THE TELEVISION. Now, that would be better. Only a couple more weeks people until college football starts!!!! WAR EAGLE!!!!