Day 2...(drum rolls)(travis walks in) (crowd applauds)

I had a flight today that required me to wake up at 3:45 this morning....I know what you are thinking, "It's a good thing he doesn't need his beauty sleep"....but, I digress...

Actually, I did have a thought that made me laugh 20 seconds after I woke up. My bedroom allows more light than God has ever made in history into the room and, thus, grass could grow on the floor if it was planted correctly. After the alarm on my trusty cell phone went off (who uses alarm clocks anymore?!!!!?? Oh, you do? Loser.) I rubbed my eyes, noticed that that it was pitch black and that there was absolutly no sound---no girlfriend snoring, no dogs snoring, no cat purring and, even more importantly to this story, NO BIRDS CHIRPING. I sh*t you not, I actually thought to myself, "Hmmmmm.....the early bird actually does get the worm." Then I laughed out loud. (that's LOL to you people older than 35----you know who you are). I thought of that in the shower and was still laughing at the thought of a bird setting a cell phone (again, this is a cool bird and he says, "alarm clocks are for geisers") and then getting up to go collect worms while all the lazy worms slept.

I've been up since 3:45 this morning. I drank at the Milwaukee airport. I had "a" cocktail on the plane. For some reason, this thought still amuses me. If you aren't laughing at this, you've got major issues.

On another note, I have had the discussion with a very good friend of mine on the subject of having children in First Class (I capitalized "f & c" and I don't know why) on an airplane. I am extremely opposed to having children in first class because I feel that this is a sanctuary for older people (one of the few left on earth.....other than most bars. Thankfully.) and small children should not be allowed. This, of course, does not usually go over well with parents (mothers) and I often have to explain myself with something like, "Oh no, it's not YOUR kids that I mind....." But, in all honesty, I think that if you pay to sit in first class, than you should be able to enjoy your bigger seat, first boarding status, free drinks, and the thought of "I'm better than the schmucks in the back".....that's just the way it goes. So sue me if you don't agree.

Until today. I have had a change of heart. Kinda. My flight back had me sitting in the row behind first class. (I could still smell their farts, so I know that the upper class's sh*t still stinks.) Today, there was a lady with a small child (boy, if that matters to anyone) who was sitting across from me. I had my entire row free, which was nice and made me feel like I beat the system---Travis 1, Delta 0. Her child was kinda fussy before take off and then, about 10 minutes into the flight, let loose on on something he wasn't happy about. (He was only 10 months old so I'm assuming it was regarding the Obama Healthcare plan)

Today was different, though, for me. I didn't feel the need to huff loudly, or glare at the mother or even order another double vodka soda to dull the pain of hearing Jr. scream........and then it hit me: this was different because the kid was cute and the mother was semi-hot. I was, in a sense, giving this kid and his mother a pass because they were attractive. For some reason, this made me feel dirty.

Not dirty like, "I just went to the K-Mart" but dirty in the sense that I was judging others actions based upon their appearance. I mean, I do this all the time when I'm drunk, but that's just joking around (unless it's a table of 20 truely ugly women, than that's another story. This ACTUALLY happened last Saturday and I have witnesses. Admit it, have you EVER seen an entire table of ugly people? No, of course not. It's near impossible)

My friends kids are adorable. I mean, absolutely amazingly adorable like the kids you see in magazines and think, "those kids don't actually exist". After todays flight, I don't think I can look at another kid on a plane and think, " I wonder if I opened this big door, would they fly out".

Ladies and gentlemen, Travis is growing up. Can you feel that? Hell is freezing over. I know, it sucks.

My last thought of the day......

I woke up this morning (at 3:45 remind you) and thought, "what kind of complete idiot flies to Milwaukee at 5:30.....there is nothing in Milwaukee to see this early"....this was after laughing at my early bird worm gathering thoughts, of course..... Anyway, I get to the airport AND MY FLIGHT WAS PACKED!!!! I about fell over. After a very large iced coffee (it was almost 70 degrees this morning and I sweat when on planes when I drink coffee---don't judge me) I came to the conclusion that this is who flies to Milwaukee at 5:30 am on a Tuesday morning:

1) assorted business men (I use this term extremely loosely)
2) old people who are used to getting up at 3:30 am every morning to go the bathroom
and....drumroll.....
3)Priceline cheapsters.....these are the people SOOOOO cheap that they pick the "name your own price" on Priceline and end up getting the 5:30 flights to hell, ie...Milwaukee. Think, college students, druggies and hippies and people headed to Vegas for a bachelor/bachelorette party.

I thought I saw a couple that hadn't been to bed yet from the night before. We've all done this---"let's go the bar, drink until 3:30 and then take a cab to the airport for our flight."

I'm not judging these people. I was actually both jealous of them and a little sad that I was already up qne getting on that 5:30 flight to Milwaukee.

Respectfully,
Travis