Weather Schmeather....

I moved to Minneapolis in February of this year after having "visited" for the previous 16 months. I've seen a couple winters, a summer, fall and spring.....basically, I consider myself an expert on the weather in Minnesota. I mean, what's not to know: a little snow, a little cold, a little wind, some frostbite on the testes when walking the dog, a towed car due to being on the wrong side of the street.....

Also, if you've seen the weather people on the nightly news here, you would understand that the hiring process goes like this: 1) Interview a monkey who barely speaks English and eats flea's off his fur or 2)Interview a poorly dressed guy who makes extremely awkward small talk. Then, they negotiate between the two to see who will take the lower salary AND THATS HOW THEY PICK THEIR WEATHER PEOPLE HERE.

Anyway, back to this "awful" spring weather I was supposed to be anticipating. When I moved here, I was told to expect an awful spring with the possibility of snow up to and including, May. I heard the phrase, "I guarantee that it will snow during the NCAA tournament"...I heard, "you'll never be able to go naked sunbathing during April". In all actuality, here is what Minnesota has looked like since the end of January:

I've actually heard or read these comments this spring:

A. "95 degrees in May in Minnesota. Whats going on here!!!"
B. "I'm sitting on the porch drinking scotch and smoking a cigar. Spring in Minnesota"

C. "OMG. It's sooo nice in Minnesota in spring. LOL. TTYL"

D. "Travis, you make spring in Minnesota feel like a massage from a Swedish bikini model"

E. "F*ck, it's hot out there. I'm done going outside for the day."

Only one of these are made up. Seriously.

Of course, it's "C".....nobody uses OMG and TTYL in the same sentence anymore. Duh. (who came up with the saying "Duh"? real genius, there. however, it does sound a lot better saying it than writing it on a very awesome blog."

"E" is what my dog said to me yesterday...I think. For some reason she's speaking in French and I don't speak French. One of us is going to have to change and she usually wins.

I don't want to jump to conclusions, but, awful springs when Travis doesn't live here.....amazing springs when Travis does live here. I'm just saying.....

Here is proof that, as all Minnesotans think, God loves Minnesota more than other places: The Twins opened a new outdoor baseball stadium this spring. I know, most sane people would think, "AN OPEN AIR STADIUM?!?!!? ARE YOU FREAKING CRAZY??? THIS IS MINNESOTA AND IT SNOWS IN MAY AND AUGUST" but they went ahead and built a non-retractable roof stadium anyway. However, God gave them an extremely beautiful stadium (nicest I've ever been too, with Busch stadium a very very close second). A first place team and only ONE cancelled game....due to rain. No snow outs or games cancelled due to a blizzard, like one would have expected.

It's either God loves the great people of Minnesota, or he's got a sinister side and thinks, "Let them enjoy their outdoor spring baseball because they'll never be playing in October again."

I'm pretty sure that's his thought process with Cubs fans.....Why do you mock us Cubs fans, God? Why?

Finally, I'm traveling to the great Wisconsin cities of Appleton, Fond du lac and Madison the next couple days for work. Here is a fun fact of trivia for everyone: Travis has never been drunk in two of these cities before. Can you name which two? (hint: it's not Madison, which I can barely remember because it's the best Big Ten city on the planet and they basically implant an IV of alcohol in your arm when you enter the city for a football game).